I’m Not Special.

Period. I am not special. Really. In any way shape or form. And I think, that I can accept that now.

I always thought that I was special, a gifted child that could go on to do many great things like going to Harvard and winning the Nobel Prize. Not so say that those aren’t great but I think that I was always deluded by the “I’m special” line. It’s stupid. I went on thinking that I was so good that I didn’t need to work hard to achieve great things (and that did happen) but it was always half-baked. My mom always said that to me. I would get almost perfect grades and I was praised for many subjects (except *cough* PE *cough*) but that praise was always for my natural ability. ALL I DID WAS READ TOO MUCH AS A KID. I loved non-fiction as much as fiction and read so much that I ended up learning early and retained that information. I never worked hard till I finally realized that: I’m not special. At all.

It’s hard to think about for some people, I know at least 10 perfectionists that I am good friends with and I am a perfectionist myself. But I learned to look past that already. I just didn’t know that I did. Story time!

I draw all the time. It literally doesn’t matter, it could be crappy doodles or something I worked hard on but I still drew. I continued innocently drawing until I was introduced to DEVIANTART and OTHER PEOPLE. Fond memories come up. I would see all these people that drew so much better than I did! What?! I was clearly so good, why did these look so much better. I despaired over how dumb my drawings were and guess what: I didn’t draw for the period of my life between the ages 9-10. I couldn’t. Everyone else drew and it was so damn good compared to mine that I lost all of my self esteem in my abilities. (I did focus more on my writing ability during the dry season of me not drawing, so that was a bonus I suppose.) Then my best friend introduced me to anime, Pokemon and Vocaloid. I was hooked. I traced the entire first 150 Pokemon from the Pokedex book, I started to adopt the anime style and drew so much crap that I ended up convincing my mom to buy me a tablet. Good going me! I continued to draw and draw as I became obsessed with more things and I improved. I kept drawing everyday, watching speed paints, reading tutorials, drawing more. I was so hooked that I couldn’t care less about how good my drawings were, I just did it.

And that’s the secret really. I worked hard. I had a drive, a passion for it. So why can’t I apply this to other areas of my life? I may not be as talented as other people but I can work ten times harder than I was before and I can get better.

Successful people work hard. I get that now.

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